Helpless Guilt

Sequined underneath over
Flowery wreaths and beads
Of sweat and tears
Rivers of congealed blood
Freeze frame
Lost moments of tranquillity
Of hurt pride
Of bottomless pits
Of anger
and soulless, wordless
tamed, grieving
impotent love


Strong, dark palms balled
As if fists in fury
Safe keeping away memories
Of chipped nails and fresh coffee
Mornings between smoke
And broken bridges
As drops of pain
Ball around and within
Breaking the rib cage of
Silent, loud broken promises

Amaltas

Brightly bright shining atop
In the dawn, between
Wakefulness and sleep
Deep inside they meander
Little droplets of color
Of joy, of hope, of love

Spiritedly springing in the air
On the yellow canopy
Covering the darkness
Of anger and misery
Tiny packets of laughter
Of memories, of whispers, of smiles

Ps: This was written for the bright amaltas tree that stands right opposite my bedroom window. Amaltas was one thing I thought I would miss in Chennai, but, well...life is mysteriously beautiful in some ways. The tree is now in full bloom...:)

Unity in Diversity…Chak de India!

India has always been identified as a land of diversity; well, it’s a different story altogether if there’s strife, bitterness, or joy in that diversity. But, the starkness of this diversity is hitting at us today like never before. It’s not even a week since a 76 jawans died in the forests of Dandakaryna, where the ancient inhabitants of this land have been ignored, exploited, and today, mass murdered under the garb of development! It’s interesting that these inhabitants weren’t even consulted before they were declared as Indians; only because the land they are lived in for over 5000 years was newly annexed by this neo-colonial, dying-to-become-some-f***-superpower. It’s of course old news that the government has been ignoring these regions for several years, but suddenly today, it has woken up to the fact that its adivasis or the ‘poor’ and ‘undeveloped’ (read uncivilized, which actually means unurbanised) must be brought into the mainstream! And, what is mainstream? The brahmical fascist class society? Where honor killings are the order of the days? Or, any political struggle extends only till sending pink chadis or filling up the pubs, which apparently is protest against patriarchy?

Now, for the other part of diversity: it’s the IPL season! Time to open up your purse strings, twitter the latest scores, lech at the white-skinned, half-clothed cheer leaders, and enjoy a great game of cricket! In fact, the government helps you in enjoying this great concoction of dope and pure joy; it doles out subsidies in just about everything. More than subsidies, all the political parties (which don’t see eye in many others) are together in this mass hysteria. Well, not only this, even in the former issue (in ‘developing’ the adivasis), they are together. Just look at this subsidy: about 10-12 crore waiving of the entertainment tax in Maharashtra alone! And, as Sainath says in his article in the Hindu today, such subsidies in a state whose debt will cross 200,000 crore this year!

I mean, does the government even think it a wee bit necessary to consult the public (whose money it seems to spend/rob in style) before committing to such barbaric acts? As if it’s not enough that the rich and super rich get entertained for free, they get even subsidies on food! In a country that’s battling hunger and which is also sitting ugly at the 65th (out of 88) position on the global hunger index, which is way below all our neighbours (Nepal: 57, Sri Lanka 40, and Pakistan: 61). Now, it’s not population because China clocked in at a whopping 7! We are with none other than Ethiopia, which is a poor country uniformly, unlike our country that has several multibillionaires vying to make it to Forbes magazine or even permanent residents there!

So, this is the land of diversity. And, every day, it amazes me to see or even hear colleagues/friends twitter or sms each other about IPL scores and in the same breath complain of the power cuts and the ambush of the ‘our’ jawans by some terrorists, who should be mercilessly squashed! Just to remind all of us certain bare facts: as for power cuts, we could definitely save up on lot of power if the IPL matches were played in daylight (well, that would mean all the beautiful people sweat a bit and that may not photograph well!), and the jawans who died were anyway the poorest of the poor in this country, so why should any of us even bother? The government could simply send many many more such poor fellows to ‘guard’ nation! And, as for the adivasis, the government isn’t exactly bothered about their development or education; it’s eyeing the resources that have been their home for ages! And, since they don’t have machine guns, they can be easily wiped out and their lands opened up to the plunder of the monsters that are running this great Indian tamasha called the Indian state in collaboration with the imperialist powers of the world! And, we, the common people can take in all of this, yes, all. The Armed Forces (Special Powers) Act in the northeast (where women will rampantly raped and common people will be murdered in broad daylight, about 40% of the Indian army to be stationed in Kashmir where again rapes are rampant and young boys are frequently gunned down or go missing, the state machinery will actually participate in <mass butchering minorities, think of eliminating the poorest of this country to the coffers of the rich and the super rich , and hoot and whistle and enjoy IPL matches! Well, if we could accommodate all of this and much more in just one country, we indeed have unity in diversity! Chak de, India!

Reminder on Mail

Today, I received a mail about a lecture on Cooking under the Raj, followed by a dinner. And, this was the menu.
M E N U

Soup
Mulligatawny Soup
Anglo Indian Pumpkin Soup

Non-Vegetarian
Captains Country Chicken
Anglo Indian Mutton Cutlets
Pork Vindaloo
Fish Cakes
Egg Curry

Vegetarian
Ladies-fingers Fugath
Country Captain of Vegetables
Brinjal Bharta
Spiced Fried Potatoes
Dal Khichuri
Rice & Roti
Chutneys/Pickles / Garnishes

Desserts
Bread and Butter Pudding
Banana Fritters
Ice Cream
(Rs. 450/- + 10% S.C. + 12.5% V.A.T.)

Apparently, after independence (shall we just say after a change in the management) in 1947, when the exploiting colonizers left this land under Brahminical fascists, feudal lords, and exploiters, besides the legacy of a more organized and a wide spread way of exploitation, the British had also left something else; something that deserves a lecture and even a dinner after 60 odds years. Yea, something called as the anglo-indian cuisine had evolved and the management that took over after them still preferred the ways of the British. What’s revealing about this is the fact that, nothing much has actually changed. What did the poor worker, dalit or farmer who fought to get the British out actually gain? Nothing! Nothing at all! This management has all along been doing just what the British did; these dinners and lectures are just repugnant and puss-filled reminders of the amount of struggle the poor workers, dalits, or farmers have to wage against the capitalists, the brahminical fascists, and the super powers of the world for realizing a world that’s truly humane and ‘fit’ for ‘humanity’!

A few drops of tears, a few moments of silence, and a coffee…

Have you even experienced a feeling of pointlessness descending upon you out of where? Suddenly, the blue of the sky is no more beautiful; it just becomes another color. Even the chocolate in the hot chocolate is delightful just as long as it takes for you to swallow it! And, in no time, the bitterness in your mouth returns (literally and figuratively)! And, anyone, especially, the close ones say something wee bit irritating, and you fly off the handle? Well, am not even going to try and diagnose the whys of this because I know fully well what the final diagnosis will be. And, no prizes for guessing: yes, it is the arrogance of affordability. (Read Dr. Rudhran’s post on ennui, which I think is quite closely related to what I am discussing here.)

So, as the title suggests, this post is basically how one deals with this, with complete knowledge of the why. In fact, there are some constructive things you can do during these times. One of course is to avoid any human contact, especially because it could be harmful for the ones who dare come in contact with you. You could even try your hand at poetry. Well, now, some of you are sneering at this outrageous proposal. But, trust me, it works. I have realized it from personal experience as well from the experiences of people around me. And, the sooner you acknowledge the why, the quicker will you get out of this ‘feeling’ of the blues. Of course, nothing heals like a stiff one of the rocks, but resist, especially all you guys out there, who exploit the male privilege society hands out to you on a platter! :) Anyway, to cut a long story short, I’ll tell you the surest way to be out of this: ensure that you have at least one or two close friends, a space for you to be alone with just your thoughts, and a mug full of hot coffee. It’s ok even if you don’t have friends. The latter two are important.

So, the next time you find yourself in one such situation, go to your space with a mug full of coffee, let the tears fall, and then think. Just think, let the thoughts jostle around, and never forget the why. In all probability, you should be out in about an hour or two. And, all it took for you see the beauty in the blue of the sky were nothing but a few drops of tears, a few moments of silence, and a coffee. Well, it needn’t necessarily be this simple, but we could try to make life simpler, shouldn’t we?

My Fixation with Old Tamil Songs – 2

A few days ago, I received a small note on this old Tamil movie called aval appadithan (That's How She Is). It’s the story of a single woman, who, thanks to her life situations, chooses a different path. Well, by today’s standards, it’s not a very different one, but in the 1980s it must have hit a nerve and caused something of a storm!

I am yet to see the movie though, but from what I read about it in the wikipedia, I am totally impressed, and, well, floored too. The woman goes from one botched up relationship to another, becomes a man-hater, talks of women’s liberation, falls in love, loses the lover, baits a woman hater, teaches him a lesson, and looks at life in the face all over again. I plan to watch this movie very soon and perhaps write about it.

But today’s post is about a song in this movie, which talks of relationships, feelings, life, happiness and its pursuit, and a hope for better tomorrow. The song talks of how life is just a beautiful tapestry of relationships and how relationships are stories that never end. And, how feelings are short stories. How in the end of one story there might be the beginning of another one. Such hope…:)

Here are the lyrics (rather my poor translation of the original); if I am right, the song is sung by the guy in their good times together. It sure brought tears to my eyes…hope you guys also enjoy this lovely piece of hope served to us by great lyricists and composers (who are not made anymore!) of yesteryears.

Relationships are eternal stories; feelings are short stories
One story might end anytime;
A new one might start in the end
It’s just happiness from then on

The burden in your heart
Am here to take it away and bear your burden
The tears in the corners of your eyes
I know not why
Am here to change them
The misery may be gone
The mist may lift
I may join the white clouds in the new beauty

Relationships are eternal stories; feelings are short stories
One story might end anytime;
A new one might start in the end
It’s just joy from then on

Life is a song, the pitch grows higher
Each day in joy
All that you saw was misery
Now, it’s only happiness in the future
The comforting tune is just beginning
A new gush in the river
Empties itself into the ocean
Our relationship was just enjoined today
With the birth of happiness

Relationships are eternal stories; feelings are short stories
One story might end anytime;
A new one might start in the end
It’s just joy from then on

Here's the song, set to tune by the inmitable, musical genius, Illayaraja.

Of Stillness Beyond Words

Green forest trails open out
As far as the eye travels
In words unformed and untold
Deep into the woods
Draw me the eastern wind
Mixed with the salt of the ocean
With tears of unfounded emotion

Deep deep breaths draw in
As much as the heart can hold
Sketches that await the canvass
Paints that await the drawing
As the eyes see beneath the lashes
Closed shut, fearing the sight
Of love mixed in the blood of the lover

Snaking and sweeping through sheaves of grass
Tearing and slithering the skin
Through the venom of vipers
In search of a moment of stillness
Mingled in mirage is the promise
Of hope of a tomorrow
Of stillness beyond vacuous words

Of Godmen and Media

A couple of days ago, around prime time, the majority of TV sets in Tamil Nadu were all tuned to one particular channel. The channel had just won hands down the race to the top in no time. If you are wondering what they got right; simple logic, guys! The unbeatable formula: sex + religion + voyeurism! And all this couched in the delectable concoction called social responsibility and scientific enquiry! My foot!

Basically, a very famous godman was caught with his pants down and the entire episode was aired to the general public on prime time! And, in no time, his ashram has been ravaged, people have taken to the streets, and what not. It almost seems like the people in TN have woken up from a deep slumber and now are crying for justice and burning with the flame of propriety! A desire to correct the wrong. A desire to uphold the moral ‘Tamil values.’ A desire to bring to book all erring godmen! And leading this fight for reinstating of justice and morality is the TV channel that makes its living out of airing serials that uphold women oppression, caste structure, and, in general, help in tying the middle class to dreams of house loans and car loans at the cost of the sweat and blood of the working class.

Firstly, let’s deal with the godmen. Is this a new phenomenon or the idea of a guru per household always existed? Anyway, after the age of 20, the very idea of listening to another human being only sounds repugnant, leave alone listening to an enlightened guy! And, you have 40, 50, 60 year olds queuing up to some so-called enlightened souls! What’s with this enlightenment business anyway? Let me narrate here a small incident.

Once, I had visited a friend’s place for lunch. After a sumptuous lunch, I rested (read slept heavily) and woke up around 5ish, craving for my cup of tea. And, trying to be a well-brought-up-homely girl, I offered to even make tea for the entire household, but only to be quietened down with saccharin smiles. So, I waited thinking they were playing the good hosts, but nobody even moved for another 5 minutes (which is like really looong when my tea pangs start!). This time nobody could stop me; I started walking towards the kitchen, when they finally let the cat out of the bag: their guru’s advised them against ‘consumption’ of anything during twilight! My jaws just dropped, and of course, there was no looking back; I swore never to be around that house during twilight! Jokes aside, more than religion, the godmen seem have tightened their noose around unsuspecting and stupid people (which seems to be the majority).

So, back to this enlightenment business. I mean from where on earth do these fellows get the time to sit somewhere and mediate and attain the so-called bliss? The hippies of the 60s tell us that there are far easier ways of attaining ‘bliss.’ And, even if one did attain this bliss, what do you do? Everyone becomes blissful, smoke ganga, and dance? Who’s gonna plough the field? Who’s gonna sow the seeds? Who’s gonna harvest the grain? People, get real…you wanna see real people, real humanity, real pain, and everything that is even remotely real, simply shed off your ‘comforts’ and take a walk in the sun. Just that will teach you the pain that the vast number of mass humanity goes through each day! And my friends, enlightenment is not yet here! It’s yet to come, and believe me, it can happen only when all of us are together (as one humanity) in it. And, in our march towards that enlightenment, the first thing to be shot down should be religion; of the kind that makes you accept things the way they are and makes you blind to the existence of an enormous mass of humanity that is relentlessly struggling or is made to struggle for the rest. How on earth can there be bliss, if at all, in such a state of chaos? And, the godmen add their bit!

Secondly, the media. The less said the better? With this episode, this particular ‘progressive’ channel prides itself for exposing the ‘atrocities’ committed in the name of religion! But, the same channel shies away from exposing the brahminical practices that rule the roost in most of the temples in TN and has no compunctions about airing devotional serials! So, it all boils down to just a quick buck, eh? And bucks flow only when you encourage voyeurism! This entire episode just shows how we as a society have failed utterly! How even ‘protests’ can happen only when you voyeuristically see two people having sex! Our low-lying values just dropped further below any humanly detectable standards!

In the days…

In the days of human slaughter
That quenched the monstrous
Hunger of the few
With the sweat, blood, and soul
Of the many
Innocents and children and humans

In the days of dog-eat-dog kingdom
Blessed by the nirvana kings
And the Vishnu worshippers
From lands around and far
To surround and annihilate
Traces of humanity

In the days of darkness
In the guiding light of liberal
Collateral damage and relief and camps
Come the fight of wild dogs
Clamoring and salivating at the bleeding wounds
Of the prey, preyed in collectivist vision

In the days of the future
Come to me a vision, clear and loud
Of humans rising beyond barbed wires
The hunger of the many for justice
Annihilating the few wild dogs in their sleep
With the dawn of a new world!

Ps: This poem was written in response to the 'outrage' in Sri Lanka which is so 'humanistically' covered by The Hindu, the paper that stood mute, and perhaps even endorsed' the inhuman war waged on the Sri Lankan Tamils! The first para talks about the civil war that was waged for almost 26 years, bemoaning the loss of an entire generation; it's childhood, security, etc.. The second para talks of the last part of the war, where the 'powers' (religious and political) joined hands in killing off the last few people standing..The third para talks of today, how the 'spoils or credit' of this bloody war is being 'split' by the powers..the final para talks of hope for a better future; however cliched it may sound, it doesn't sound hollow to me, though. )

A helping hand from the past…

This is yet again a reminiscence! It’s about someone from the past…someone who was part of the past…someone who’s physically dead…but, someone who’s legacy has outlived him and has the power to spur even a corpse into action, especially if you understand what I mean when I say to be dead and walking and living the life of a corpse…

It was a cold, winter afternoon couple of years ago…I was sitting with a friend in her house in Delhi with black tea in hand and wrapped in blankets. Perhaps, I was in the crossroads yet again (perhaps a new job or an important decision-making hour), but I could hardly think or even feel, except for the warm tea and my own silence, which was deafening. After some talking, my friend just looked at me and told me to turn around and see a label that she had stuck on her wooden almirah. What I saw there broke a dam within; it was the poetry of Paash, a Punjabi naxalite poet who died standing up for his beliefs, who lived for his beliefs and his convictions! Yes, his words reached out to someone in the present and gave her life to dream again to struggle and never to give up…the poem was:


The Most Dangerous

Most treacherous is not the robbery
of hard earned wages
Most horrible is not the torture by the police.
Most dangerous is not the graft for the treason and greed.
To be caught while asleep is surely bad
surely bad is to be buried in silence
But it is not most dangerous.
To remain dumb and silent in the face of trickery
Even when just, is definitely bad
Surely bad is reading in the light of a firefly
But it is not most dangerous
Most dangerous is
To be filled with dead peace
Not to feel agony and bear it all,
Leaving home for work
And from work return home
Most dangerous is the death of our dreams.
Most dangerous is that watch
Which run on your wrist
But stand still for your eyes.
Most dangerous is that eye
Which sees all but remains frostlike,
The eye that forgets to kiss the world with love,
The eye lost in the blinding mist of the material world.
That sinks the simple meaning of visible things
And is lost in the meaning return of useless games.
Most dangerous is the moon
Which rises in the numb yard
After each murder,
but does not pierce your eyes like hot chilies.
Most dangerous is the song
which climbs the mourning wail
In order to reach your ears
And repeats the cough of an evil man
At the door of the frightened people.
Most dangerous is the night
Falling in the sky of living souls,
Extinguishing them all
In which only owls shriek and jackals growl,
And eternal darkness covers all the windows.
Most heinous is the direction
In which the sun of the soul light
Pierces the east of your body.
Most treacherous is not the
robbery of hard earned wages.
Most horrible is not the torture of police
Most dangerous is not graft taken for greed and treason.

Translation by Dr.Satnam Singh Sandhu of Punjabi University, Patiala

Ps: You can see some more of Paash's poems here.

Saroja—A Treat Through and Through!

Starring: Shiva, Vaibhav Reddy, Premji Amaren, S. P. B. Charan, Vega Tamotia, Prakash Raj, Jayaram, Kajal Aggarwal, Sampath Raj, Nikita Thukral and Nagendra

Story: Venkat Prabhu
Directed: Venkat Prabhu

I am writing this immediately after watching the Tamil movie Saroja, which was playing on Kalaignar TV as part of their New Year special programs. To say I thoroughly enjoyed the movie would be an understatement! Though I don’t know exactly what they got it right in the movie, it was a wholesome treat!

The movie is about four friends, Ajay, Ganesh, Jagapathi babu, and Rambabu. The two babus are telugu-speaking and are brothers too. What started as just another interesting comedy turned out to be actually a thriller! So, a bit on the plot: these four guys decide to drive to Hyderabad to watch a cricket match, but lose their way and find themselves in extremely weird and life-threatening circumstances. How all of four them make their way out in one piece and also become heroes in their own ways make the rest of the movie.

None of the guys in the movie is ‘hero’ material. They all look and behave like next-door guys! It was easy to believe the movie, and no wonder the viewer is pulled into the magic of cinema in no time. They were no unnecessary fights, pointless dialogues, unnecessary shots that state the obvious, and many such nuances that made this movie truly excellent.

What personally appealed to me was the simplicity of it all, yet the complexity involved in making the whole thing seem so simple! It showed talent, and also how enjoyable the entire exercise (of making the movie) had been to the entire crew! And, building in of the comedy element! Amazing man! Truly, out of this world. I really didn’t know such talent existed here; in fact, in one of the shots, I was referring to how it almost feels like watching some really good foreign cinema; only that the actors spoke Tamil!

Next, the most riveting part of the movie was its pace. Not even for a moment did I lose interest. Every shot was so neatly knit with the next one and the dialogues were so succinct and perfectly delivered.

Now, to the most favorite part: characterization. Let’s take for example the character of the main villain, Sampath. He looks all jazzed up with a big moustache and also carries a gun as he ‘prowls’ around. But, at the same time, there’s a side of him that’s vulnerable and human. It definitely takes a director par excellence (at least in my myopic view!) to bring out such contradictions in a very real manner. After all, in reality, each of one us is a bunch of contradictions! And, I think that’s what made the movie so real life. Another thing about the movie being close to real life was the realization that there are no heroes in real life! It’s basically life and its circumstances, one’s convictions and one’s instinct to not give up without a fight (when pushed to a corner) make heroes out of ordinary people. Yes, ordinary people like Ajay, Ganesh, Rambabu, Jagapathi babu, and, most importantly, Saroja.

Watch Saroja if you want a gripping thriller in which you will roll with laughter through and through, yet remain at the edge of your seat!