Ok, another
gang rape, should we say, a reported one? If I remember right, per a
survey that outlook published some time ago, for every 1 rape reported
in a big city, almost 64 rapes go unreported in any of the smaller
cities. In any case, I don’t want to dwell on rape, for there’s enough
and much more to spare written on rape. After all, who doesn’t want to
look the defender of a woman’s modesty (sic!)?
Some of the words that people use to
describe the act of rape are painful, horrendous, injustice, heinous,
outrageous, irreversibly damaged, etc. Simply put, all these descriptors
are laughable or even expressions of our misplaced angst, because all
of our responses are colored, or rather dictated by our feudal mindsets
that want our women to be untouched sexually, except by the man who is
socially sanctioned to touch her on the day (err…night) of their
wedding! And, that’s not all. The marital bed might even be examined for
traces of virginal blood the following morning by the mother-in-law,
who is again a victim and a stooge of patriarchy.
And, hence, virginity/chastity (karppu)
is something that the woman guards with her life, heart, soul, mind,
body, etc. A woman’s mind is dwarfed or rather mangled (like perhaps a
bonsai with constant pruning, trimming, and wiring) to think that she’s
around just to grow up into a beautiful young woman, who will be married
off in her prime (read biologically just right to get pregnant) to a
man her parents shall find, and she shall cook and clean for him and his
family (and, of course, have a career if the man deems it fit or
something to simply kill time or contribute to the family economy, if
need be), beget him children, and raise them as chivalrous gentlemen or
ladies like herself to continue this brilliant saga! Isn’t this
outrageously horrendous? And, we are outraged by a gang rape!
A woman’s attitude towards anything and
everything, be it her choice in clothes, career, stance, food, color,
marriage, friends, etc . is influenced primarily by the societal
expectations from her due to her biology. For example, even as a girl
child is born, people start talking about putting money away for her
dowry, make jewels for her, buy pink frocks, high heels, etc. Where is
all this coming from? It comes from the basic idea that the woman is a
womb, and hence everything about the girl child is only beauty (she will
have to beautiful for her man), fair skin, dolls (because she will be a
mother someday, so start planning even as she is in the cradle!),
kitchen sets (she’ll have to cook and clean for the household!), and
anything and everything that would firmly peg her to the house, kitchen,
and pregnancy! Now, I ask, aren’t all these heinous? And, we are
outraged by a gang rape!
I am not sure if there’s data to support
how girl babies and boy babies DIFFER in their gyration towards violence
or motherhood, irrespectively! Maybe they do too, but why should we as
adults stand back and watch or rather applaud when your boy starts using
expletives and thrash when the girl does the same thing? Why are girl
children taught to cook while boy children are not? Is cooking done
through ovaries, which is why men don’t cook? Why should girl children
be taught to clean? Why should boys/men be handed out coffees by women
every day? Do men suddenly become lame or crippled the moment they enter
their homes? Or, is it the upbringing that makes Indian men take any
woman to be a custom-made domestic worker, mother, and even a careerist
(outside the home of course!). It just can’t get any better for Indian
men, or can it? I ask, isn’t this a travesty of justice or a caricature
of a just world? And, we are outraged by a gang rape!
As a teenager growing in a metropolis
like Chennai, I could never venture to the beach all by myself or even
partake in the all-night parties that used to happen on the mount road
on new year’s eve, because I, or any girl/woman, ran the risk of being
gang raped! Even if the all-night party animals on that road came from
‘good’ families or on better days would be chivalrous too, wouldn’t
think twice before actually getting down and having one helluva fuck,
because such wayward women could, rather should be raped! Not only that,
as a young girl travelling by public transport to school/college/work, I
have been exposed to stares of all kinds (the approving, the
disapproving, the disrobing, so much fucking more!!) and even harassment
of all hues. And, believe me, the men guilty were anything like these
‘animals’(rapists) that all ‘good’ men of today seem to distance
themselves from! These were boys/men who went to colleges like the ones I
went to or even came from families who were our neighbors! Even today,
as a fully grown adult, I can assure you that I don’t feel any less
vulnerable while taking the public transport or am the only woman in a
lift filled with men! All this and much more completely strangulate a
woman’s very identity and crush/stonewall her into the bloody roles that
patriarchy so confidently defines for her! Now, isn’t that horrifying?
And, we are outraged by a gang rape!
The outrage in my view is in itself
outrageous or even hypocritical, especially because of the sheer number
of men who seem have unleashed their unbridled sense of shame at this! I
ask, where are these men and women, defenders of a woman’s modesty or
proponents of women liberation, when the women’s reservation bill gets
shot down or women bodies are objectified in mindless fashion shows or
movies or when virginity tests are conducted on women? And, how many of
these men haven’t whistled at a girl, brushed against a woman’s body
when the opportunity presented itself, or didn’t enjoy a rape scene?
And, will this outrage be of this scale if some men had gang raped a sex
worker?
Where were all these people when the
armed forces brutally raped and killed Thangjam Manorama? Where was the
outrage when an entire village watched and cheered as the men of the
village gang raped even the dead bodies of two women? I am sure it would
be so much easier to distance ourselves from such things as
‘aberrations’ that happen in the hinterland! And, who’s going to utter
or let out even a whimper when men rape men/young boys?
Our outrage therefore is very selective:
our very core is shaken and we are spurred into action (as in people who
don’t give two hoots about protests/demonstrations or who even
denigrate such protestors as some misguided, lazy nincompoops) ONLY when
the chastity of a ‘good’ woman is outraged. It’s of course a different
matter altogether if she’s murdered for dowry, honored killed for
marrying outside caste, is killed because of invasive fertilization
techniques, is killed because of unsafe termination of pregnancy (for
carrying a female child), is killed because she defended her home and
land, is killed because she refused to do menial labor and wanted to
study, or becomes a mental wreck being nothing more than a glorified
domestic help at her own home all her life, and the like!
A day, a blog post, or even a bill may
not be enough to change this situation, and any list of dos/don’ts may
not even make the cut! What perhaps is needed is for us to internalize
the fact that all of us born are equal, and because of the psychotic
mistakes of our ancestors (hope you all burn in hell, if there’s one!)
we live in a world that’s defined by various levels and each level is
equipped with its own brand of weapons to keep the rest down under.
Perhaps, we need to educate ourselves about the working of our society
and the brutality it hides under the grab of morality, virtue, chivalry,
and the like. Maybe then, we would organize and interrogate ourselves
about why we need to be outraged and what we need to be outraged about. I
know, not many people will have the time for all this, because it means
taking collective responsibility of violence, especially the systemic
kind, and working towards a solution. And, that would mean giving up of
the many, many privileges that the powerful in the society (the men)
have enjoyed for several centuries now. However, it’s time for the women
and oppressed men, the victims of the systemic violence, to organize
and agitate alongside in the long term. And, we can rest assured that
our battle has just begun, and we have miles and miles to march before
we can see a semblance of victory. Perhaps, our great, great grand
daughters and sons might thank us for embarking on this journey.
On a side note, for all the privileged
men, more than responding to something that’s so far removed from your
immediate reality or doling out some pearls of wisdom on how women
should conduct and protect themselves, please introspect! Walk that
extra mile, be a human, be defined not by your biology, but by your
humanity! Don’t define a woman or her role or her identity or her
ability by her biology, but by her right to exist on this planet as
freely and happily just as you do. Maybe then, all of us can be united
against the enemy; patriarchy!
It all started with the tingle of an email notification on a
warm August afternoon. The email was from our BIL, G, sending us all information
necessary to make the 4000 mile journey, across the proverbial 7 seas. The
email arrived when I was having lunch with my office pals and I suppressed the
effervescent joy that was threatening to burst right off my chest. In no
time I finished my lunch and ran upstairs to speak to R and get the things
rolling. There were several forms to be filled, stuff to be 
