Tears

When words die down
As the world closes its doors
As the blood congeals half way

When the stupid heart bleeds
As the feet forget their chosen path
As the hands wring in despair

When the winds stop blowing
As the crazy gods cast their die
As a soul dies within a body

When memories fail
As a tiny droplet gathers grief
As it flows down the living corpse

Can?

Can an actor pull down the curtain?
He doesn’t want to act any longer

Can the river stop flowing?
It’s tired flowing over hills and valleys

Can the breeze stop blowing?
It’s bored of the unchanging colors around

Can the greedy humans stop living?
Coz we don’t want to work to satiate their greed

Can the rich become poor?
We are furious about your daylight robbery

Can the world stop for a moment?
We need to take stock
We need to undo great mistakes
We need another chance!

Sickled Through!

When the lights dim
As a thousand stars light the dark sky
Your words lit the darkness that clouded my heart
Slowly, but surely
You nudged away the flickering light
Stationed yourself as my reading light

Was it a mistake?
A slip of your tongue.
An error in my understanding
Or in your lesson
Words from your mouth
Sweet nothings, faded, as the lights went out

A buzz you were in the depths of my heart
An imagination is what you think
Perhaps you are right
As always
Crashed yourself in
And walked away like none happened

Can you possibly know this?
Perhaps, never again
Will you take this road again.
I may be standing,
Please be informed, there’s no more me
For, you have sickled me through

Periyar; 130 Years!

A couple of days ago, Chennai was splattered in red and black, especially the Valluvar Kottam area; it was Annadurai’s birthday. Now, my readers please don’t embarrass me by googling Annadurai’s name. You must know him! Okay, anyway, for my young readers, here’s a small refresher: he’s the ex-chief minister of TN and one of the important voices of the Dravidian Movement, which had its beginnings in another very important movement called the Self-Respect Movement that was spearheaded by one of the greatest thinkers of this millennium, E. V. Ramasami, fondly referred to as Thanthai Periyar.

Today, the post is on Periyar since it’s his 130th birthday and there’s hardly any trace of the celebration! Never mind, Periyar would have liked it this way. I know some of you have this highly annoying habit of zodiacing the moment you hear someone’s b’day and have rubbed off that habit on me too! And, today, as I realized it was this great man’s b’day and tried to zodiac him, I almost had this ethereal experience, where I only remember a firm knock on my head with Periyar’s walking stick; perhaps, he tried to knock me out of such irrational nonsense! And, I thought it would be a fitting way to remember this great man by reviewing one of his books, Penn en adimaiaanal (Why did the woman become a slave?); it’s actually the first of Periyar's books I got to read, but that too a translation only!

Read the review in my other blog

Morning joys and pains

It was a nice bright morning; I woke up with a nice start, with the remnants of last night’s dreams (good dreams are so few and far between, you see)!

With Horlicks in hand, I started skimming through the paper when madam scientist (who actually should be awarded, or given discounts, by the movie theater owners for keeping their coffers running) described the story of the best picture, Kanjeevaram. Wonder if it was her description or the reality of the lives of workers in this capitalist system, I almost choked on my drink. Swallowing my tears, I restarted my newspaper reading (it had to be paused when the story was being narrated).

After groping my way through the Ishrat Jehan fake encounter, I was elated to see the Jet Airways fiasco! And, finally, the corporate employees have woken up to the reality of the capitalist system, and have formed some sort of a union, and are working up a strike that is striking the ruling classes (their own class, though)! So, now that put a song (revolutionary) in my heart and I trudged along to work.

Now, here, I see some men and women (again the corporate employees) holding some placards! Now, this can’t be happening…I thought, are we nearing a near-revolution…have the corporate employees woken up? Are they protesting against the indiscriminate laying off of their co-workers in the wake of the recession? Or, are they demanding more regulated working hours? My day-dream was brutally snuffed, as the letters on the placard became visible…road safety! Hug your children! Those of you who know me, can guess my expressions…no wonder the security anna singled me out and asked me for my ID. Of course, I said, “why only me with a pout” (forgive me folks, the morning was crazy), immediately, he relented and said, “no, no, never mind just carry on, madam” with a brilliant smile!

Yet another morning…a mixed bag!

Whys?

Why
Yes, why?
For what?
Then again why?
No, why?
Why the holy hell?
what the hell, anyway?
like who cares
anyway!
the anyways and howevers
a split second now
and then
gone away in a moment
been there
far away in the past
flippant talk
what the hell
like who cares
who cares
the unshed tears and careless whispers
why
and, why?

A moment to behold

A moment to behold
To treasure, to hold close
Dark skies, save a dollop of bright light
Grey clouds clearing slowly
As the waves heave and puff
Mirroring my heart
As my fingers feel the warmth
Of the memories
Of the sadness
Of the pain
Of the love
Of life ebbing away
Of life throbbing within
I close my eyes, holding the moment
As I let go the garb of childish whims
Shaken out of my cloak of fanciful dreams
As the clouds draw back
And the clear light of life emerges through
As the waves draw close
My heart smiles as it hears a new, strange voice
Of hope
Of reality
Of life
Of purpose

What has life come to?

Before:
Hunger pangs: trip to the nearest dhaba, one kadak chai, followed by a bread pokara (deep fried in oil)
Now:
Hunger pangs: trip to the fridge, one clean, healthy apple, followed by peeling and eating!

Before:
Boredom: trip to the nearest shop, salted, masala peanuts, followed by a masala butter milk and may be a deep fried puff!
Now:
Boredom: trip to the laptop, may be some music or books!

Before:
Lunch: lots of rice, with fish/mutton, dal, dahi or plain biriyani with chicken curry and raita.
Now:
Lunch/dinner: bland rice and dal with boiled veggies.


Before:
Evening snack: salted, masala peanuts or vadas or bhajis with kadak chai or coffee
Now:
Evening snack: Horlicks, period!

Homecoming

I am home! Yes, after 4 + 1.5 years, I am home! After, almost half-a-dozen years and tasting ‘freedom’ and all that comes with the package, it’s almost surreal to think am actually home. A place where I wake up to a steaming cup of coffee and at least one person ready for a short conversation. Even if choose to stay quiet, I simply have to walk out to my favorite place outside; the stone bench to enjoy my coffee and news paper.



The stone bench--my favorite place.

Frankly, I had my doubts about returning home, since I had almost worked up the reputation of a prodigal daughter! But, what I didn’t expect was the reception of the biblical prodigal son, well minus the ring and the fattened calf, that I received! A lot of people keep asking me why the hell did I return; yea, why the hell did I return? Mmm…my job, basically is fun in Chennai and yea, I wanted to be with folks for a while in the big house that my dad gets as his staying quarters.

Okay, the house. It’s a beautiful old building that has really huge rooms; but of course no privacy, in the modern sense of the term, in any one room! Talk about family bonding ;) it’s lovely nevertheless. Couple of rooms face just greenery and a park, which is sometimes visited by Egrets! Now that am down with Typhoid and I spend long hours in bed and gazing out, I have seen some kingfishers, some blue birds, and even a brown-colored koel! And, of course the song of the koel is ubiquitous. There are several little dogs and cats who also keep us company besides our own pets. As if these animals aren’t enough, once in a while our neighborhood snake also makes an appearance!


Can you spot the long, snake? It's a Cobra! AT least ma says so, though pop, poohs poohs it as a water snake! But, in such matters, experience has taught us to take ma seriously. :-)


Then, yes, the majestic Badam tree that greetes me every day in the morning; lush, huge green leaves on the tree and brown, dry leaves on the ground. Sometimes, all these leaves are collected to a pile and set on fire, which keeps burning for a while and spares the neighborhood of mosquitoes for at least that night! Enjoy some of the pictures…



The Badam Tree



The Brown-Colored Koel


The greenery from my room..:-)


Some of ma's jasmines.


Ps: If you want high-resolution pics, just click the pictures; next time round I'll keep the appropriate radio button selected! Technology, half the time seems is conspiring against me!

Loneliness—a tad overrated, a tad underrated.

Loneliness, is one word I keep hearing on and off, especially from friends and peers. And, it doesn’t mean am in anyway exempt from experiencing the word in all its entirety at times. But, what’s funny is this: a generation that has access to an average of 30 smses a day and 10 cell phone calls and three active chat windows finds itself in the throes of loneliness every second day! Are we overrating our sense of loneliness, when we actually aren’t lonely; or are we missing something quintessential about real relationships and the role they play in loneliness?

A friend of mine once said that she and her husband are constantly on chat the whole day that in the evening there’s hardly anything to say to each other! Now, isn’t that bizarre? Chats have totally hijacked real conversations; leave alone the deplorable standards to which our spellings and grammar have sunk to. Getting back to the friend, I immediately told why should you guys be on chat the whole day through then? She just looked at me as if I were talking in an alien tongue! Yes, it’s unimaginable not to be on chat! But, then, doesn’t chat rob one of real conversations…don’t we miss an occasional smile, a grimace, a frown, an instant silencing, a blacking out, an adorable expression, etc…these, are the very things that make a conversation real and help make a relationship, especially when one is chatting with someone you haven’t met.

Sometimes, I think, would I be able to chat with my dad! Half the times the conversations begin with a shrug and end with a scowl; and believe me, I would have had the best conversation with my dad, which could never be possible on a chat! Of course, I do not deny the fact that chats have ridiculed the distances between Delhi and Chennai and New York! However, chats can never replace real communication and hence real relationships. So, if we think we are nuts to experience loneliness in the presence of so many friends on chat, we are really nuts! Since chats don’t mean anything, they cannot in anyway replace real feeling.

Next, I wonder if loneliness in itself is bad? Sometimes, loneliness teaches a lot of new things about our own selves. It also teaches us the value of relationships; the importance of bonding; the liveliness that another human being brings into one’s life; the value of friendships; and even how to work on friendships. Yes, one can learn a lot from loneliness as well; just don’t make the mistake of chatting just because you are ‘lonely,’ since chats are at the end of day, empty like loneliness itself. :-)

Missing you…

Your gentle caress on my skin
As the dirt of the day eases out
The clear mirror that you were
As I looked into you before
I began my games with you
Warm, hot, lukewarm, cold
All the same
You brought me joy
You eased my pain
When will you be back?
Why have you left me?
My hair cries out for you
As each cell within my skin sobs
Come back, waters of heaven
Come wash me clean…
I long for you…
Wash me clean…


Ps: Nobody’s allowed to laugh! Yes, I have been down and have been kept confined to my bed, and hence this longing for, well…